![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
i'm supposed to be fierce - to be fierce to them when they did not complete what i asked them to, scold them when they dont listen and just portray a very fierce look.
i mean, i thought tutors should be like this. that's my impression of how a tutor should be like.
ironically, i didnt. i cant believe that i can actually smile after i tried to be fierce. i cant do it.
both are so cute sometimes. the way they behave and the questions that they ask.
you'll wonder how much things a 10 year old kid know.
my answer would be: a lot.
regardless of school work, friends and even family problems. i thought kids of such age should be naive and problems-free. i think i'm wrong.
their idea of having lots of coloured pens amuses me everytime. weird. maybe i was like this in the past too. hohohoho. but there's one thing that i'll never understand. why hello kitty?!!
then again, sometimes i wonder how will i teach my kids next time. to scold or not to?
- Mood:
good
"there is so much about my fate that i cannot control, but other things do fall under jurisdiction."
... i decide how i can spend my time, decide on the food that i want to eat and most importantly i can decide what is best for me.
anways, this week had been a rather busy week. two of my besties got involved in a car accident while jogging. so much to suffer in the attempt to slim down. sigh. now i understood the real meaning when people say life is fragile. two innocent victims. i'm angry with the driver for causing hurt to the girls but then again i guess my anger can't help in this situation too. so i just hope everything's gonna be fine. yes, to the both of them. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
playing bball in the rain is such a bad idea. but the people i played with were nice!:)
i'm dead tired now. goodnight everybody.
- Mood:
tired
i'm so glad that we started talking about it today. it was regarding how my parents were against the idea of me having a boyfriend. wells, i seriously think i am old enough to judge what is right and wrong and what are the things that i should or should not do. maybe they were afraid of my results. but come on, it was experimented and tested again that having a boyfriend or not doesnt affect my studies. i've always believe that if you can, you can. if you dont have the heart to study, then what's the point of forcing thereby making both parties' life like hell?
i actually told him that i was feeling all bad that he had to kept in the dark. i mean, he could have had a girlfriend, perhaps better than me or whatnot, and she can show the entire world that she is happily attached to him. i couldnt give him the luxury of that by telling my parents that we are together simply because i dont know what will really happen if they know about this. i've always hoped that they will be and can be cool about this. he could also have someone who can stay out late at night and hang around with him without any constant reminders of any of the curfews issued.
his answers to me were heartwarming enough. i wasnt trying to find some assurance in him but i was pretty sorry for him. most importantly, i felt appreciated at any point of time. he said he knew about my situation, therefore understanding me. he also said that if we are able to last long enough, these problems are not problems at all. and that there's no reason why my dad will forbade cos he didnt lead me astray. we're taking this really slow since we're going to have a whole lot of time together! all i need now is to have more faith in this that this will work out. seriously, i really hope my parents will be good this time.
i really do. today's a good night even though i almost lost my phone in the cab just now. it was a pretty bad experience. i'll love my phone more now.
nights.
- Mood:
silly
i never actually figured out why people liked ice-creams until today.
it was amazing. just like how it brightened up people's day, it brightened up mine today.
or should i say, tonight. :)
anyways, i just spent my entire day yesterday watching america's best dance crew. o.o
and before that i was watching Les Brown's motivation talk.
he's really one great speaker. though most of the time i feel that he shouts more than he really speaks.
most importantly, i felt motivated. i just felt i needed that there and then.
otherwise i feel like i'm just another person without a purpose in life.
"not feeling worthy of your goal, you'll unconciously engage in self-destructive behaviour like procrastinating, constantly putting things off and squandering your time."
how true.
- Mood: good
am i that insignificant.
i dont know what all the hiding's for.
yes i am sad, yet i felt that the disappointment was greater.
today's just a bad day. really bad one so far.
i dont understand people at all.
why am i even here for?
life's a sick one.
- Mood:
sad
It was a almost open aired one, under the starlit sky.
I even dreamt of the place where it was situated, and whom i was together with.
It was in the middle of the buzzling town. how weird.
i thought i've always like quiet places as my home...
But nevertheless, it was so surreal.
- Location:Singapore, Singapore
- Mood:
indescribable
For once...
how i wish school can start earlier.
i swear this time i'd work hard for it.
i really do. i'll treasure it more than before.
i am getting sick and tired of this stupid long holidays.
it's rotting my entire soul away...
i dont understand why do i have to go through this. 8 months is not too long yet it isn't too short. now that i am left with slightly less than 3 months to the start of school, i am not happy at all. how i wish class would commence in 3 days instead. i hate working now, more than ever. especially when i dont have the chance to even socialise. just like i'm living a life of a dead person.
humans are so selfish. hogging on isnt right or at the very least, it's only temporary.
- Mood:
confused
i just dont know what the hell is wrong with that thumbdrive. i swear i'm not using that anymore in future. i can't believe it cos it didn't happened to me before! my thumbdrive is fine and i'm happy with it until i used my aunt's thumbdrive. when i've slogged and work so much just to complete what i've been assigned to do, it just died down on me. i can't simply open that god damn file which i've been working for months and now that i know that i have no choice but to redo it, i simply refuse to do everything again. fuck.
just how suay can i get.
- Mood:
pissed off
why the hell would he want to even care about what friends i am making and does he really think that he can take control over it? he should well know that staring at me with those big eyes doesn't help. i'm not trying to be a rebel, certainly not when i'm already 21 now. i dont expect myself to run out of the house and stray outside at this age! that'll be the greatest joke to people. but oh come on, i can't go out today doesnt mean that i can't go out on friday huh? hurhur. trying hard to be funny.
idiot. why the hell he wants me to stay at home!?! as if he'll get anything out of it by having me to stay stuck at home and "enforcing" his stupid laws and drumming his whatever ideology into me. if it's really so useful, it would have worked a long time ago. i swear he's mentally unbalanced. he'd prefer me to stay at home and do nothing while he sits there and watch his HBO channels.
fml.
- Mood:
bitchy
anyway something weird happened to me! god, i felt like i'm down with some terrible and untreatable disease. :( well, it all happen on one fine night when i felt like i needed some entertainment badly, i went to try out fixing fake eye lashes. after i fixed one, i realised the other one was no-where to be found. so i thought the fan must have blew it away and i bend down my head, slightly below my knee to find the other half. AND TO MY HORROR, some clear liquid came out of my nose! i swear it wasn't mucus cos i wasn't having a flu at all! i stood up immediately, with my hands covering my nose. while searching for the tissue, i felt it was kind of weird to have nose bleed like that! what i saw was just clear liquid and that;s all. dont ask me to taste it cos i'm already quite shock to even think about it.
i went to the polyclinic the next day at 10.30am. the queue was sooooo long! luckily i wasn't alone!:) i was referred to this indian doctor (i dont have good impression on indian doctors... ) and i think i did rolled my eyes!:S i was prepared to face the stinky, unbearable smell with that weird and hard-to-understand accent. but noooo. that guy was nice and he didn't talk with that disgusting accent!:) i told him my problem and he was shocked for a moment! HELLO. doctors aren't supposed to show this kind of emotions right! of cos it affected me and i asked him what's wrong! he said it maybe a sinus problem, otherwise the liquid can be cerebrospinal liquid! FUNNY. like i suffer any trauma or head injuries before! head-butting?
cerebrospinal liquid. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. i dont even know what that was initially. but because it sounded serious, with the name made up of "cerebral" and "spinal", my heart gave a skip and i quickly wiki it when i reached home. anyway he referred me to SGH and i felt so uncomfortable like being sent to this hospital without even knowing what are they going to do with me there! i asked and he said, "oh, maybe you've to go through endoscopy." o.O!!!
WTF.
endoscopy. hell no. i wish that i'll go alone and if the doctor says that i definitely have to go through that, i think i'll run. :) i'll be grateful to exchange that for some brain scans or what not. the fact that a tube with a camera going down my nose is too appalling for me and i can't be sure that i wouldn't cry.
anyway i'm dead worried for university application. where's my letter?!! be it acceptance or rejection letters!
- Mood:
aggravated
